we are never so vulnerable as when we love
- Sigmund Freud
Couples & Relationship Resources
Blog Posts
Level-Up Relationship Series
Couple Stress During the Holidays
The Kitchen Dance
Is it love? Or is it activated attachment?
The Mind-Reading Trap
The Art of Co-Parenting
Podcasts
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Jimmy on Relationships provides often tongue-in-cheek scenarios with a solid base of mental health advice. [YouTube channel] and Rikki and Jimmy on Relationships by Jimmy Knowles and Rikki Cloos [website]
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Esther Perel is a renowned relationship expert, speaker, author, and therapist. [YouTube channel]
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Dear Young Married Couple: Marriage counselors Adam and Karissa King cover topics from communication to finances to parenting and more. [podcast link]
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Roadmap to Secure Love with Dr. Kimberly Castelo and Kyle Benson. An attachment-oriented podcast about challenges couples face in relationships.
Our attachment style plays a large role in how we interact in relationships. Relationship conflict often escalates because of how we manage our attachment needs during stress.
Learn about your attachment style
The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life - this video also does a great job of explaining how different children in the same family can have very different experiences.
What Is Your Attachment Style? by The School of Life
Do you know your attachment style and how it motivates you to behave during stress? Here are some free online quizzes that could offer some insight into that.
If you are interested in learning more about attachment in relationships,
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The Attachment Theory Workbook: Powerful Tools to Promote Understanding, Increase Stability, and Build Lasting Relationships by Annie Chen. This workbook offers helpful insight into your attachment experience [Amazon website]
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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love
by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book offers some insight into how that affects your relationships [Amazon website] -
Relationship expert Sue Johnson explains why attachment is so important in relationship in her book Hold Me Tight [Amazon website]
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On Attachment podcast by Stephanie Rigg
Common challenging relationship dynamics
Jimmy on Relationships offers content about navigating relationships. [Facebook and Instagram]
In this video, Esther Perel discusses some of the common dynamics in couple relationships. [YouTube video]
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Behind every criticism is a wish.
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Your partner is the one who has the power to harm you the most.
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Avoiding confirmation bias and attribution error.
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How do you turn around a bad fight into a useful exchange?
When a person has an anxious attachment style, they can resort to complaints and criticism in what's actually an attempt to connect with their partner. Unfortunately, that backfires and reinforces their anxious fear that their partner is not really there for them. Read more about this common relationship dynamic in this interview with emotionally-focused therapy expert Scott Woolley. [article]
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner [Amazon book]
The Mental Load
A Better Share: How Couples Can Tackle the Mental Load for More Fun, Less Resentment and Great Sex by Morgan Cutlip [Amazon Book]
Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky [Amazon Book]
Mental Load Is Emotional Foreplay (and Most Men Miss It) w/ Dr. Morgan Cutlip on the Dear Young Married Couple podcast. [podcast link]
Improve your communication
"How a conversation starts predicts how it will end." Based on the decades of marriage research by John Gottman, this article gives practical tips on how to adjust your communication. A healthy marriage involves disagreements; it's how you talk to each other when you disagree that separates those who have successful marriages from those who don't.
John Gottman discusses what factors predict the future of a relationship. [YouTube video]
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The 5:1 ratio of positives to negatives.
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How to use the negativity in a relationship for good.
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Continuing courtship in marriage and developing a habit of mind.
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The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
The Non-Violent Communication Model
Therapist Reacts to ARRIVAL: an honest look at the dynamics and challenges of communication.
Sex
It can be hard to get quality information about sexual anatomy and interactions. Here are some resources that I have found to be informed and useful.
Anatomical information from licensed PA and experienced anatomy and physiology teacher Jonathan Bennion at the Institute of Human Anatomy.
Physiology of orgasm in males - By Dandelion Medical Animation.
Female orgasm - Female Orgasm is a complex psychological and biological experience. By Dandelion Medical Animation.
Secrets of Female Sensation and Anatomy Behind it - By Dandelion Medical Animation.
Male Hormonal Cycle & Libido - By Dandelion Medical Animation.
How can ageing affect testosterone levels and sex drive in males? - By Dandelion Medical Animation.
Why Does It Happen Too Soon? The Science Behind Early Finish in Bed - By Dandelion Medical Animation.
Vaginismus - By Dandelion Medical Animation.
Healing from Infidelity
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After the Affair [book]
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Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity [book]
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Articles from Michelle Mays, licensed professional counselor, on healing after infidelity [blog]
Additional Resources
Under Stress, We All Regress [article]
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It's normal to revert to older behaviors when we are stressed. It's not a failure, nor a move backwards if you or your partner regress. Use it as a learning opportunity, and most importantly, repair with your partner as soon as you can.
5 MORE Movie Marriages that are Actually Super Healthy by Cinema Therapy. Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are diving into great movie marriages and sharing the beautiful lessons they can teach us. There are so many phrases in this video that I frequently find coming up in therapy.
Dealing with conflict about the holidays. [article]
Resources on increasing relationship health, navigating blended families, and healing from divorce [American Psychological Association website]
Couples Therapy - a a documentary series following couples in real therapy sessions with psychoanalyst Dr. Orna Guralnik.
Marriage Missions Podcast [website with podcast links]
How to Have Difficult Conversations with Empathy [Ted Talk]
Cinema Therapy: Couples Therapy - light-hearted insight into couples in popular movies
Cinema Therapy: Family Therapy - examining family dynamics in popular movies
A Word About Online Resources
My hope is to share resources here that are useful. Although I do my best to keep information current, it is possible for links to become outdated or for material to change. A link is not an endorsement of a particular person or organization, nor do I receive any incentives from them.
Keep in mind that these resources are not specific to your situation and therefore are not therapy or a substitute for mental health services. Please consult your therapist, physician, or other professional support for advice that is specific to you, and call your local 24-hour helpline (988) if you are in crisis.